The Hairshirt Store
Making the Anguish Real
Three Product Lines. Quality Results for Every Penitent.
Crafted from the harshest materials. Tailored to flagellate. Guaranteed to deliver.
The Sinner
Quality haircloth suit designed for everyday wear and ordinary penance. The perfect balance of discomfort and limitation makes it ideal for every layperson.
The Penitent
Superior sackcloth for the penitent ready to atone for a lifetime of creative sinning. It presents a formal appearance on the outside yet is breathtakingly uncomfortable with every movement. This is the perfect attire for the clergy member dedicated to fast-tracking their own purgation.
The Flagellant
The highest quality and most effective suit of self-mortification money can buy. Designed with care by in-house flagellation experts to deliver the maximum degree of bodily penance. Guaranteed to nearly erase even mortal sins for those dedicated ascetics who roam this vail of tears.
The Penitent suit lived up to its reputation beautifully. It arrived in just three months and was carelessly thrown off the truck, inducing a sense of psychological penance right from the start. The material is durable, yet surprisingly uncomfortable. It’s formal enough to wear at work, and I would recommend it to all of my clerical friends. Great job, Hairshirt!
Lest it was not obvious… this is a joke website. We don’t sell penitential clothing nor recommend that anyone wear any… at any time.
Instead, we recommend that you let Martin Luther’s dictum “salvation by grace alone” and his recommendation “be a sinner and sin boldly, but believe and rejoice in Christ even more boldly” guide your theology and practice.